


In My World, I'm Constantly (Constantly) Having a Break-Through

by catastropheprone



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Accidental Deadnaming, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Clara | Dream, ClementineInnit, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Makeup, Nonbinary Character, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Quite Literally, She/They Pronouns for Clementine, She/They Pronouns for Dream, Texting, Trans Character, Trans Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Trans Female Character, Trans TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Transphobia, accidental misgendering, clara being an amazing person, clara is as well, clem is a halsey stan, clems biggest supporter, lesbianinnit, transphobic parents, vent fic, yes both clara AND clementine are demigirls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:41:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28416300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catastropheprone/pseuds/catastropheprone
Summary: Clementine didn't mean to text the wrong number. She really didn't mean to text anyone, really. But they're definitely glad they texted dream.
Relationships: Clara | Dream & ClementineInnit, Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 88
Kudos: 1313





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i decided to make a lesbianinnit fic (or series, who knows) because recently i've felt like we need more nblesbianinnit :) i sincerely hope you all enjoy! find me on twitter @/netherranboo !

**green bitch**

_ dude i cant do this anymore _

huh?

_ im so fucking tired of it. of everything. i keep waking up and looking in the mirror _ _  
_ _ Hating myself because i don’t look like who i want to be _

_ the fam being transphobic doesn’t help either _ _  
_ _ wilbur i just am so fucking tired and yknow how like _ _  
_ _ you want to die but like dont wanna die at the same time bc yk _ _  
_ _ p a in _

  1. This isn’t wilbur
  2. Are you okay? I know this wasn’t intended for me



But you don’t have to worry tommy i’ll let u vent

_ Shit _

_ uh sorry big man i did NOT mean to send you this _

It’s ok no problem

Also sorry i most likely deadnamed u?? i would like to   
Know your name

_ oh _

_ uh _

_ Clementine lol _

_ And she/they pronouns _

Like the halsey song?

Pog

_ Nah big man _

_ Like the character the song is named after _

_ The woman who speaks at the end of the track before clementine _

_ During “ashley” _

I see you miss halsey stan

anyways: vent

Just so you know, i’ll always be here for you, clem

_ Thanks clay dream _

[ Copy  **Cut** Paste …]

| I understand how you’re feeling, clementine

i really do

like... really do

if yk what i mean |

Anytime, clem

_ So basically _

_ like three weeks ago i had this sort of mental breakson _

_ breakdown** _

_ And was like questioning everything in like at 1 am like a teenager does _

_ And that definitely included my gender _

_ all bc i had this dream (lol) where everyone kept calling me tommy   
and “dude” and “big man” _

_ which sounds benevolent to someone at first   
but it wasnt a dream man _

_ more like a nightmare??? _

_ and i like opened google and looked up what it meant _

_ and a bunch of articles about gender dysphoria came up _

_ and i started thinking what it would be like if i were a girl _

_ Then i went “nope too feminine” _

_ but i still like knew i wasnt a guy, yk? _

Yeah ik

_ So then i went on tiktok to calm down _

_ and the first fucking tiktok is this person saying _

_ “i wanna be feminine in the way guys are feminine” _

_ And obv i didn’t feel that way but instead realized _

_ BRUH i wanna be masculine in the way girls are masculine _

_ because just being a female did not feel right to me _

_ And so i looked up uh _

_ Oh yeah i looked up: why do i feel like a girl and not a girl if i am a boy   
And the term “demigirl” came up in the results _

_ So i spent the rest of that week deciding if i wanted to be a demigirl _

_ And my answer was yes, yk? _

_ but the thing is _

_ my parents arent exactly the most liberal ppl _

_ like if i came out as gay they would support me but not the community _

_ and i mean as a cis male not as a demigirl bc lesbianinnit is canon ig _

LMAO

Oh sorry continue

_ Lol its fine big man _

_ Anyways _

_ That made me think _

_ And i realized how transphobic my family was _

_ But the last time it was mentioned was like a year ago _

_ and who knows they could have changed _

_ thank god today the news was talking about how transphobic hate cimes _

_ crimes* _

_ Have quadrupled in the uk _

_ And my parents go _

_ “It’s their fault anyways” _

Oh shit

I’m sorry clementine :(

_ Ik right not very poggers _

_ So of course i say something about it bc it’s just wrong   
And i say   
“they’re human beings, why shouldn’t we treat them the way they are?” _

__ and my mum brings up the religion shit and i’m like   
“mum you cannot pick which rules to abide by from the bible”   
And she yells at me and sends me to my room and shit

_ i mean the way im describing it has less more yelling but tbh i zoned out bc i was RAGING _

_ And then i was like “parents will never accept me ugh life sucks” _

_ And here we are now _

_ obv my emotions and thought are like wayyy more complex _

_ and aren’t that dry but yk texting and shit _

I’m sorry this is happening clem

I hope you know that even if your parents don’t support you,

your friends (at least on the smp bc idk ur irl buddies) will

they’re all super good ppl and if ur family lets you down

you have another family that will be here for you always :)

_ Thank you big man clay dream _

_ It means a lot, genuinely _

No problem big woman clementineinnit

Oh and by the way clem

_ Yeah dream ? _

It’s big person clara dream :) /nm

_ POG _


	2. two.

**dream and the idiots**

Nick sapnap:

Can someone tell dream that if he eats all the fucking food

He’s gonna have to buy more

Because he’s not listening to me

Alex quackity:

dream you bitch stop eating food

_ nope _

Alex quackity:

welp i tried man

Karl jacobs:

dream plz stop eating the food

Because then u have to leave da house to get more

And postmates will get sick of u :(

And sap /j

_ I’m not gonna listen to any of you _

_ Anyways i have someone better to text than all of you idiots _

**cleminnit**

_ hey clementine _

_ How are you doing today? _

Very poggers clara

I went out with a friend from school and she bought me MAKEUP

And apparently it was the good kind

But who names a makeup brand milk like milk is shitty

I hate milk

_ Lmaooo _

_ I actually have some of their products! they’re a v good brand _

_ If u need makeup help, just dm me _

That would be very cool

Thank you clara dream

_ Np cleminnit _

_ Also i think i’ll be able to fit in that mod vid you were asking me about _

_ The voice changer one _

Poggers

It’ll be sbi, ranboo, you, and me (ofc)

_ Speaking of them _

_ Have you planned on coming out to people besides your family? _

_ Not to rush you or anything because i mean i haven’t either _

I mean i think everyone is gonna be cool with it

Everyone on the smp is a good person and all,

No transphobes spotted lol

WAIT I HAVE AN IDEA

Unless you’d be uncomfortable with it

_ Are you gonna do something illegal??? _

NONONONONO

I just thought

What if we both came out to our friends before the recording

I mean we’re recording on saturday and today is tuesday which gives me time

To come out to my parents

And if it goes bad then ik tubbo will let me stay over his house

_ I mean, would that also be coming out to the fans and stuff? _

_ I’m fine w coming out to our friends, and i’d want them support you more than me _

_ Because dealing w this shit at ur age is hard _

_ Just wanted to know what ur gonna do w the public _

_ I mean most of our fanbase is queer so that’s good _

I had a really weird dream last night

I was at twitchcon, and there were a bunch of fans there for a meet and greet

And i looked down and i wasn’t the way i looked now

I had boobs and feminine clothes on and shit

I could tell my hair was long and all and i was wearing makeup

Then some fan comes up to me

Says “hi clementine!” and gives me the biggest hug

And i say hi back

Then she looks at me and grabs my hands

And she says to me

“You helped me discover my true self”

And i remember crying in my fucking dream

In front of this crowd of fans

And then i woke up and realized it wasn’t real

But it could be

And i want it to be

So i don’t mind coming out and my parents hating me

Because i know i’ll be a role model or special person

To a whole new demographic of people

Who may feel the way i feel right now

_ You’re such a good person, Clem. _

_ I guess I never really thought about it that way _

_ But i do have to admit, im on the verge of crying . _

_ You think you’d change people’s lives? _

Of course clara

And you as well

It would feel so good to be there for ppl, yk?

_ Then lets do it _

_ We can tell the ppl doing the video _

_ Then change pronouns in the smp discord _

_ And our names _

_ And in the video use our real names _

YEAH I LIKE THAT A LOT

AND I’LL PUT ON MAKEUP BITCH

Thank you for doing this with me clara

You dont know how much i appreciate it :)

_ Anytime clem :) _


	3. three.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something kinda bad happens. Clara just wants Clem to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: transphobia, f-slur, t-slur, panic attack, toxic mother and grandmother

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Clementine wasn’t even supposed to come out to her parents  _ alone  _ yet. But she sat at the dinner table, everyone’s eyes on them. Their heart was beating so loudly it became louder than anything in the room. Louder than the noise of her Gram’s utensils dropping on her plate. Louder than the noise of Betty and Walter running around the house. Louder than the television playing in the background. It was all so incredibly loud, yet deafening at the same time.

“You’re  _ what _ ?” Her mother asked, with a glare that pierced more than a sword. You could tell she was incredibly furious and that she didn’t want to hide it. Clementine’s grandfather just sat there and continued eating, her Gram’s eyes were incredibly wide and in disbelief, and their father just looked at them. They felt his stare, and when she turned to see what his expression was, it wasn’t of anger or disappointment. It looked like he was waiting for what his wife would say.

“No goddamn son of mine is going to be parading around  _ my house,  _ and calling himself a goddamn girl! Do you understand me?” Her mother screamed. Clementine just wanted to cry.

“What a shame it is, darling,” her Gram spoke to her grandad. “Our grandchild is a fa-”

“Don’t say that darling,” their grandad interrupted her Gram, and she was mighty thankful. “I knew plenty of queers, and they were absolutely wonderful people!”

“Shut the hell up, you old hag. This is not your place to speak. My son is a tranny, and I won’t have it!”

Clementine’s father slammed his fist down on the table, scaring everyone. “That is enough! You ladies need to shut the hell up!” He turns to his wife. “Honey, this is not your house, I’m the one who signed the damn mortgage papers. What is yours, is our child, no matter if he or she is a boy or a girl, or whatever. Mother, that is your only grandchild, and if you really would like to be buried and not cremated when you die, I suggest you treat her with respect.”

Clementine couldn’t fucking believe it. Out of all things, she expected her grandad and father to have the worst reactions, but it was the  _ women  _ who were vicious like they were gatekeeping femininity from Clementine.

“Honey, you and I need to have a talk. Mum, Dad, I think it’s best if you get going. Tommy-”

_ “Clementine,  _ dad.”

Clementine’s father smiled.  _ “Clementine,  _ I will see if I can call Toby’s parents and arrange for you to stay with them until your mother learns to calm the hell down. Go pack what you need in case I need to bring you tomorrow morning.”

Clementine dashed upstairs, wiping the tears off their face, and a small smile crept up. She walked into her room and instantly searched for her phone. They spotted the device on their bed and unlocked it instantly, quickly tapping on the messages app and pressing on the familiar conversation.

**green bitch**

_ Clara _

_ Clara i nesd top tallk top you right nwi _

are you okay, clem?

_ I dodnt mean t o come out _

_ It happend so quoicklt _

_ My motm and grsm hates mem now _

_ But my dad and gra.ndad dont _

_ It _

_ S so confusing _

Are you safe right now?

I need to know if you’re safe right now

_ Yes _

_ Dand is sendiogn me to tubbs _

_ I dont knwo how long thoiyuh _

_ I am safe /zsrs _

Okay, that’s step one

Step two is that you have to calm down a bit

**green bitch** is calling…

**ACCEPT |** DECLINE

Clementine?

_ Hi, Clara. _

_ It’s really (...) breathe right now, I (...) to do _

Hey, hey, hey! It’s alright Clem.

Just breathe with me, okay? Deep breath in…

Deep breath out…

That’s it. Just breathe, there you go.

…

Feeling a bit better?

_ Yeah, uh, yeah. I am. _

_ Thank you, Clara. _

No problem, Clementine.

Do you want to talk about it?

_ Not really. I’m sorry. _

Hey, no need to apologize! Nothing is your fault!

_ Yes, it is Clara. If I wasn’t… _

_ If i wasn’t trans, then my mom… _

_ My mom would still love me. _

Hey, listen to me.

She may have given birth to you, but if she doesn’t love you?

Then she isn’t your mother.

None of this is your fault, Clem.

It’s so incredibly wrong that this is happening to you, you don’t deserve it.

_ You don’t know that. _

Yes, I do know.

If there was one person who I’d forever protect from the horrors of the world…

It would be you.

Well, you along with my siblings, of course.

_ (She chuckles.) Well, duh. _

Y’know, you kinda are my little sibling, Clem.

If anything were to ever become not safe for you.

I’d adopt you in a fucking heartbeat.

But I don’t know how that works…

_ (Clem’s dad walks into the room and mutters something.) _

_ Oh, shit. I gotta go, Clara. I have to pack for Tubbo’s. _

You gonna be okay, kid?

_ Yeah. My dad is gonna send my mom off to her sister’s. _

_ That is, after they talk, y’know? _

_ I’m sure Tubbo would understand. _

Of course he will. He’s your best friend.   
You two have this unbreakable bond, and Tubbo is a good guy.   
If you need anything, just call me.

I mean, I could always force George to take you in.

(They both laugh.)

_ You won’t have to, Clara. _

I know…

But I’m just saying…

_ BYE CLARA! _

_ Love you. _

(Clara hiccups a sob.) Love you too, Clem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you all enjoyed this chapter! psa: you can find me on twitter @/netherranboo where i make banger tweets and give sneak peaks of my writing :)  
> love you all!


	4. four.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clementine's going to Tubbo's. How will he react?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was literally so rushed i'm so sorry it's bad LMAO

  
The ride to Tubbo’s the next morning was incredibly quiet, but comfortable. It was just Clementine and her father, her mother not in sight since the night before. Apparently, their mother hadn’t calmed down and refused to talk to Clementine, or even regard her, until they got out of this “phase” they were in. Ultimately, their father asked her mother if she would leave the house for a while.

Billy Joel played softly in the car, and Clementine was busy texting their best friend.

  
** Big t **

_Did your parents tell you i am coming over_   
_And staying there for a bit_

Yeah they did :)

_Did they tell you why_   
_?_

No they didn’t  
Not yet at least

_Ok then_   
_I will tell you when i get there big man_   
_It’s a lot_

Are your parents getting devorsed?

_No_   
_At least i don’t think so_   
_But it’s nothing of that matter_   
_So far i believe_

Alright then :)  
This is gonna be a very poggers time big man  
We’re living together!!!!!!!!!!  
Two bros chilling in the same house no gay  
Not that theres anything wrong with it

_i- LMAO TOBY_   
_But yes this will be poggers big man_   
_:)))_

  
After the three-and-a-half hour drive, Clementine finally pulled up to Tubbo’s house. She was filled with excitement and fear as she wondered how their best friend would react. Surely it wouldn’t be bad, it was Tubbo after all.

Clementine’s father grabbed their suitcase from out of the trunk, and Clementine was already making her way to the front door. She knocked on it, and the door opened to reveal Tubbo’s mother.

“Why, hello, Clementine!” Tubbo’s mother beamed. Clementine smiled at her name being said.

“Dad told you, I take it?”

“Yes, he did. You are one brave girl, ma’am. Come in now, we don’t want you standing outside in the cold!” Clementine made their way inside with their father trailing behind. She sat on the couch while Tubbo’s mom and their father talked, probably speaking about how long she would be staying with the Smiths. She sits there patiently until she sees Tubbo and Lani making their way downstairs, excited and giddy.

“Hey, big ma-- Woah! Are you wearing makeup?” Tubbo exclaims. Clementine freezes. They had eyeliner, mascara, highlight, and blush, looking as beautiful as ever.

“I’m going to get going now, Clementine.” Her father says to her. They turn around and hug him. “Call me if you need anything. I’ll keep you updated on your mother. I love you.”

“Love you too, dad.” Clem’s father makes his way to the door and waves to everyone inside, closing the door behind him as he leaves. Clementine turns back around, and Tubbo’s face is filled with confusion as Lani seems like she knows what’s going on.

“Wait, so are you…?” Lani asks.

“Yup. I am.”  
Lani smiles in response. “Nice! Congratulations!”

Tubbo still doesn’t understand what’s going on, and Clementine drags him upstairs to his bedroom, where she sits on his bed and he awaits an explanation.

She sighs. “Tubbo, I need to tell you something.”

“Yeah, I think you do, Tommy,” Tubbo states bluntly. He didn’t mean for it to come off as rude, but Clementine thought otherwise, and fear filled her body. But she had to do this, she had to come out to their best friend, no matter what. Even if it meant Tubbo wouldn’t be her best friend anymore.

“Toby, my name isn’t Tommy anymore. I-it’s Clementine. I’m transgender, Toby. I use she/they pronouns.”

Silence fills the room for a moment. Clementine feels like she’s about to cry, cry harder than she ever has in their life. Their best friend hates them, they’ll never be a girl, Clementine will never be-

“Pog!” Tubbo pulls them into a bone-crushing hug. “I’m proud of you, Clem!”

Clementine can’t help but smile. “Love you, big man.”

“Love you too, big woman.”

\--

Clementine tells Tubbo about how much Dream’s been helping her, and how much she’s found that she can confide in the older. After a conversation, Clem decides she wants to stream with Tubbo, as he was planning to do a You Laugh, You Lose, but with members of the SMP attempting to make him laugh.

  
  


**WILBUR:** I find it astonishing how the two of you idiots haven’t laughed at anything yet.

**CLEMENTINE** : I think it’s just because you aren’t fucking funny! C’mon, where’s the comedy?

**QUACKITY** : Ok, well if you think we’re so unfunny, then you make us laugh!

**CLEMENTINE** : Alright then! Lemme get on stage bitches, I’m going to make you laugh like I am John Mulaney! But funnier!

**DREAM** : Oh, please. Don’t be all talk.

**CLEMENTINE** : Hi! My joke is this. I hate all males!

**RANBOO** : Tommy, you’re literally a male. That takes away the funniness.

**CLEMENTINE** : Like hell I am!

( **CLEMENTINE’S** eyes widen in horror. A sound from her phone alerts her, and she sees it's a text from Clara. “Oh my god, CLem are YOU OKAY???” CLEMENTINE SMILES. “Sorry its a bit early but it was a spur of the moment thing WHOOPS IM SO SORRY” “LMAO its ok im not mad at all, i promise /gen”)

**GEORGE** : Wait, what?

**CLEMENTINE** : Are you all idiots or something? I am a woman!

( **TUBBO’S** chat explodes with the trans flag emote. **CLEMENTINE** smiles, and claps emerge from the call.)

**WILBUR** : It wasn’t comedy, but you win!

**KARL** : Wait! What’s your name?

**CLEMENTINE** : Clementine, bitch!


End file.
